I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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