I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
