Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
