make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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