i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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