i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
