a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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