you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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