Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
