i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
