ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
