Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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