WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
