hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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