New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
