Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
