Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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