just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize