like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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