yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
