I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize