i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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