I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
