Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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