can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
