4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love having hate sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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