My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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