I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
