I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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