And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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