i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
