I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
