aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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