party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You made out with two different species that night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
