Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
