It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
