Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
