I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
