I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
