i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
