Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
