Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
