I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
