I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize