Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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