Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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