Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The uberlube is also flammable
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
