the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
