Soap is not a condiment
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
