I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
