Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize