With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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