i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
