Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
