He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
