Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Alive.
So much puke
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
as a side note pls kill me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
