Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
