I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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