He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
