Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
