I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
