8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
