I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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