i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
