ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
