Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
