i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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