I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
