i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
