my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
