I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
