So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
