so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
