you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
