You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize