Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
