so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
