i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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