u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
