I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
