my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
