I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
