Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize