i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
