Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
