If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She bit a glass in half.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
