I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
