SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
