No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
