Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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