We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
