I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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