Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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