He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
