mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
