So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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