the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
