Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
