I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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