were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
