Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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