I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
