Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
third nipple confirmed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize