he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
