it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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