so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
