Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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