I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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