Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
