dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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