just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
God, I missed his penis.
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